Ups and Downs

Like being on a rollercoaster ride

Drastic ups and downs

Determined and reassured at some

Battered and miserable at others.



Blessed to be free and renewed

but also lost and feeling unwanted.

Still feel like it's all a bad joke

that tomorrow

maybe

it would be alright.



Nothing's right anymore.

Breath

that I will try.

But how do you fill a void

so large it swallows you whole?

Be Real Or Be Gone.

很厭惡這樣子的自以為是

把人一把推下深淵後

又在崖邊各種溫柔打氣

加油吶喊的嘴臉

拒絕這樣的假情假意

寧可在谷底掙扎奮鬥

也不願再抬頭仰望那片虛假

總有一天

我會靠著自己的力量

爬回巔峰

而這次

在那你無法觸及的彼岸

Single Newbie

30, newly single, D18.

Finally made peace with myself.

Such relief.

No more nightmares and nausea.



10 years.

Kept looking for a better half.

What if I'm already whole all this time?

What if I alone am enough?



Still tender with touch.

But never again.

Embrace and admire one's true self.

Even when no one else does.



Strangely,

during the process of losing a marriage,

one finds herself.



To my soulmate if you do exist:

我不知道此時我們是否已相遇，但我有壞消息告訴你，我不是一個完美的女人，不論你的荷爾蒙到時如何告訴你。愛一個人很辛苦，你愛上我的好也得愛上我的壞。當然，我也會無條件愛你的好與壞。我不求我們有完全一樣的興趣，不求我們要用完全一樣的方式看待這世界，但我希望你善良真誠。
我希望我們是彼此的伯樂，能理解尊重彼此的熱情，並包容我們的不同。我希望我們是朋友，不只是情人，因為志同道合在一起，而不只因為現實條件的適合。我希望我們都願意探索這個世界，想法都能靈活開闊，因為沒有什麼比畫地自限更可怕。
我希望我們都有過去、都受過傷，我們不用互相舔舐傷口卻因彼此而癒合，對於過去我們可以提可以不提，但不回首瞻望，只需要知道因為這樣不平順的旅程，才好不容易找到彼此。我相信我一定可以遇到你，而到時希望我們給彼此一個擁抱，告訴對方：這一路辛苦你了:)

Closure

That was another case closed.

No more awkwardness.

What a strangely curious year.

Finally I'm facing the future and the past.

Something I've been running away from

for far too long.



Still I am thankful for what I've been through.

Even more so toward my sweet beloved Patrick.

For he sees through my wounded battered hide,

cherished me for who I am,

while knowing I'm not perfect all along.



I wish you all the best and happiness in the world, my friend.

I have found mine at last.

I hope you do too.

But may we never cross each other's path in the next life,

as we're never meant to be.

Not again

又是那該死的好勝心。

不然說真的

過了五六年

什麼一見鍾情風花雪月的情懷

能記得的實在是很有限

只剩下那被嫌棄被拋棄的記憶

連當年痛徹心扉的絕望感都早被時間給篩盡

可就還是會在意

在意這麼多年後會不會還是被看扁

不服氣

不服輸



輕易說愛又快迅放手

讓人無所適從



雖然說不是我在自誇

現在過得真的很好

很愛在我身邊的人們、自己和小螞蟻

跟往明確目標前進的生活

但就還是會跟自己過不去

或許等開始PGY發現其實沒什麼交集

就會釋懷了吧



雖說如此

還是希望

報到那天 你可不可以不要出現。